Wednesday. Ugh.

Recipe for an interesting day:

1. Take 2 decongestant tablets you found in the bottom of your handbag 

2. Start to feel vomity. Google said decongestant tablets and discover that due to the high amount of pseudoephedrine, you are only meant to take 1 at a time 

3. Spend the next 6 hours off your face,  listening to banging choons such as this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dv1L3eWxnCg whilst wondering why you aren’t in a very dark nightclub

4. Jump six foot in the air anytime anyone approaches you about work.

5. Start to feel a bit yawny at about 4pm, and begin to look around for any areas at work that could be successfully converted into a chill out area.

Quotes of the week

I actually said both of these statements this week:

'Sometimes you just need to go to party, have loads of people tell you that you look amazing, and then go and have sex with a black man.'


'All you need to know is that there's a new bitch in town and her puppy dog is bitey.'

Pub games to play

Sometimes you need some social lubrication to get the conversation started (other than alcohol, obvs).

Try these for fun

• ·      The eight people living or dead you would invite to your ultimate dinner party – note: couples count as one person, ie Kate and Wills, Winnie and Nelson etc.
• ·      The list of people, who, if you saw them in the street, you would punch them in the face
• ·      Who would play you in a film – has to be vaguely representative of your personality and/ or looks.

Enjoy.

PS: in case you were wondering:

• ·      Beyonce and Jay-Z, Mike Hussey, Judi Dench, Eddie Izzard, George Clooney, Alexander McQueen, Boris Johnson (and one more tbc)
• ·      Not an exhaustive list but starting with: Paul O’Grady, Jade Goody, Cara Delevigne, Keira Knightley, anyone who has ever been involved in the performing or making of Cirque de Soleil
• ·      Undecided on me. But when I suggested that my boss would be played by Rosie O’donnell there was nearly a riot. 

now that was a long weekend.....

This week I was lucky enough to experience 3 of the hottest tickets in town:

Monday – The Book of Morman

Tuesday – Beyonce at the O2

Monday – Peter and Alice starring Judi Dench and Ben Wishaw.

I also had a Saturday night extravaganza with my no 1 partner in crime of all things random.  7 venues, 17 hours….and well some other stuff but more on that later.

The Book of Morman

Or otherwise known as I cant believe they just said that. I was pretty au fait with what we would be exposed to – after the delights of Avenue Q and South Park. And was not disappointed. I think my favourite song was the African happy song the mormans all cheerfully sang, until they realised that they were actually saying ‘fuck you god.’ Nice one. It was a delightful mix of horrifically offensive but hugely funny jokes and fantastically catchy show tunes. I laughed until my cheeks hurt.

My rating – 9.5/10 on the funny scale.

Mailie's pre- theatre tip: Don’t eat at Ed’s diner. Its crap. It might be cheap but Bryon Burgers are way better and worth the extra cash.

Beyonce

Ahhhh beyonce, beyonce, beyonce. I love you. I always have. I want to be you. Often I have thought ‘what would beyonce do?’ in difficult situations. She is AMAZE-BALLS. And this was no exception. We were standing right at the back on the floor area. Which was a bit painful until she flew across the crowd in a trapeze (sparkly blue jumpsuit and all) and did a set about 2 mts away from me – including 2 of my fav songs, irreplaceable and love on top. She was so close, I nearly lost my shit. A little bit of wee came out I got so overexcited. The only downer was that the sound wasn’t brilliant. But the show made up for it – amazing costumes, great dancers, everything you want. She is amazing.

My rating – 8/10. Not as good as her previous show, but still very very good. I took a point off for the sound quality. (god Im getting old)

Mailies O2 tip: get the boat there – its much nicer. And try and order your drinks off someone who has never worked in a bar before. That way you will end up with a large white wine…which turns out to be a pint. A pint of wine. I kid you not. I wonder if that’s why I thought it was so good…..

Peter and Alice

I was very much looking forward to seeing the grand dame of English theatre, the brilliant Judi Dench. And also, as I bought these tickets 18 months ago, I wanted to see her in the theatre before she carked it (awful, but accurate). I wanted to see Ben Wishaw too – he was very good in The Hour. I was not disappointed. Beautiful sets, great script and a heart wrenching performance from both Judi and Ben. Highly recommended. I even had a little tear.

My rating: 9.5/10

Mailie's ticket tout tip: buy 2 tickets in advance. Sell one ticket the week before the performance for the price you paid for 2... Not very nice, but hey, a girls gotta eat....

Saturday night goes forever.

My favourite captain random partner in crime and I went out for some leisurely spritzers on Sat afternoon around 2pm. We got home at 730am the next morning. Most of what happened is unprintable even in an anonymous forum, so here are the venue highlights:

No 1. Edinboro Castle, Mornington Cresc.

Subeurb beer garden. Good menu. Too many children. Freezing cold outside (but not their fault). Very very slow food service, and small portions (which may have meant that we were slightly hammered when we left). Although this seems to be only a problem on a busy Saturday. 

No 2. 69 Colebrook Row Islington

One of the cocktail bars du jour at the moment. Not good for picking up men. It seats about 30 people of which 2 were men. Very cute. Expensive drinks but nice. Book ahead. Cute waiters, good service. They screwed up our bill so we got some free drinks (watch this theme develop)

No 3. Run rabbit run Essex road

No one in there. Very cute little bar with a lovely bar lady. We made friends with the one other person in there who was an Iranian PhD student – hence more free drinks. We talked at him for about 2 hours. Very very sugary cocktails. Yech. Go back, but don’t order the cocktails.

No 4. The pub with no name Essex road.

Things start to get a bit hazy here. I really think it was called the pub with no name…nice pub. Busy. Open til 2. Good atmos. We left cause we needed dancing tunes. Random men from Wiltshire buying us drinks. The bar lady came over to check if we were ok. Which was nice. Across the road from a hilarious shop called get stuffed which currently sports a full sized stuffed giraffe in the window. Bizarre.

No 5. Alibi Dalston

I don’t know if I quite get Dalston yet. I certainly don’t get Alibi which was full of 17 year olds and was playing crap rock music through a broken PA system. Jesus, I am getting old. We lasted ten minutes.

No 6. The club with no name

Ahhhh home of the nicest bouncer in London – Barry. By orienting myself with the location of Nandos (I always remember where food is)we returned to the scene of a previous crime – before it had even opened. This is the smallest club I’ve ever been to. One room, 2 couches, a bar and a toilet. Its like being in your own living room. Its especially like being in your own living room when you are sitting on the couch before the club has opened and the DJ comes over and introduces himself to you and asks for any requests. My god that place is random. There are some interesting characters in there – including a couple who got thrown out for having sex (this is not a big club remember). Anyway we had fun…..and there may have been a random hook up. Hence, a lot more free drinks.

Mailie’s Dalston hook up tip: If a man has more than 3 mobile phones, and keeps disappearing outside every 15 minutes while asking you to mind his drink, its probably accurate to assume that he is a drug dealer.

No 7. Egg. Kings Cross.

When you go to a club at 630am with aforementioned possible drug dealer you probably aren’t going to get in. We didn’t get in.

Quote of the weekend: ‘You are never ever seeing that man again. And definitely don’t tell him where you live.’

I love London.